I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
