Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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