I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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