I accidentally burped into my bong.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize