If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
