after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
