who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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