I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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