I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He passed out mid-signature
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
