I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
