1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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