Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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