dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
