i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
