Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
