Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
