literally had 100 drinks last night.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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