yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it glows. i had to have it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize