i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
