The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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