I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
