i think my tv is drunk
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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