you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
