She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
