My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
