Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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