I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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