Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
