Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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