i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
please come you make the beer taste better
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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