this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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