So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
