No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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