I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
