Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
