Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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