Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
