Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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