After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
