he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he was CRYING into my vagina
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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