I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize