First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My vagina is officially offended.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
