I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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