he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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