She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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