He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
