Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
