i was born a porn star she said
are you so shy because you have an std?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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