Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
