I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
