How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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