Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
