Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize