Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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