my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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