she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
