I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
