a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
