Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
where are my eyebrows?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
