Can i not drive my cunt home
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
