In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize