Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
