he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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