Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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