I hate your face
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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