sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
