new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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