Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
