i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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