If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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