Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
