Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
