margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize