Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
