i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Damn victory sex feels great
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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