he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
