Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
