never play flip cup with pint glasses
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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