nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
