He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
