Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think i have two assholes
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
