Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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