It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
then he tried to convert me to islam
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
