is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
