mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize