i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
