Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
