U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
