I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize