When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
