I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
