Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
