omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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